The holiday season, often associated with warmth, joy, and time spent with loved ones, can also bring about feelings of loneliness and isolation for many people. For some, the contrast between what we expect the holidays to be and how they actually feel can be stark and challenging. If you’re facing loneliness during the holidays, you’re not alone, and it’s important to remember that these feelings are temporary and manageable. Here’s how you can navigate this difficult time and find peace and connection.

1. Allow yourself to acknowledge your true feelings (no need to fake it anymore)
The first step in managing holiday loneliness is acknowledging it. It’s okay to feel lonely, and it’s important not to dismiss or judge those feelings. Whether you’re living away from family, experiencing the absence of a loved one, or simply finding yourself without a social circle during this time, it’s crucial to accept where you are emotionally.

Action: To start, find a time/space you can let yourself be real with your feelings; let yourself cry, sit in nature, write in your journal, talk to a friend. This is the beginning of moving through feelings we want to force out or deny; which only causes more pain and disconnection. (Don’t worry, you don’t stop there, acknowledging is just the first step)

2. Offer yourself compassion; Selfcare Time!
When you’re feeling lonely during a busy and overwhelming season, self-care can often fall by the wayside. However, this is a crucial time to slow down and prioritize your own well-being. Take time to nurture yourself; self-care isn’t just about pampering; it’s also about taking care of your mental & emotional health.

Action: Brainstorm what used to be your favorite hobbies (then pick one – puzzling, coloring, rollerblading??), ask yourself, “What COULD I do for myself today?” It could be something very small or a grander gesture – each day offers different opportunities! (get outside for a short mindful walk around the block, quiet your mind with a meditation, lay on the floor and stretch, start a book you’ve wanted to read, or take a warm bath, get the picture?)

3. Include YOUR wishes in the mix
If traditional holiday celebrations only amplify your feelings of loneliness, consider (and allow yourself to) consider what you TRULY would feel more aligned with your desires and circumstances this year. New traditions can give you a sense of purpose and fulfillment, and they can help shift the focus from what “isn’t” to what “is” and what “can be”.

Action: What do YOU want? (Huh, that’s a thought!) Do you want to decline a party invitation, make a special meal just for yourself, take a trip to a place that brings you peace, volunteer your time to help others this year, tell extended family you are sending family gifts only/no gifts this year and will invite them to embrace keeping this holiday gifting simple as well? You get to decide, you really do!

4. Reach Out & Connect (in any way you can!)
When you’re feeling alone, it can feel close to impossible to muster the effort and desire to reach out to someone……” what will I talk about? what if they ask how I am? I don’t have the social battery or energy. I wish someone would reach out to me!” ….and more, are the questions you may ask yourself. Those anxious thoughts or “stories” about how it will be are exactly that – thoughts and stories your feelings are informing – and they do not have to become facts. Test the waters, make that initial effort, and show up as authentically as you can. You might find you are not alone in how you are feeling, you are offered empathy or compassion, they had no idea you were feeling so lonely, or are simply distracted from your feelings for a little while; these are all movement through your loneliness. The goal isn’t to force you out of your feelings, only to support you in managing them and allowing yourself opportunities to feel another feeling as well; all the while hopefully lightening your emotional load and easing your heart and mind.

Action: Send a quick text to someone you trust, call a family member/friend, go into the office instead of working from home (be around others), call/text the people you “wish” would reach out to you (just say hello and you are thinking of them)

5. Shift the focus from you to others – help out!
One of the most effective ways to manage loneliness is by focusing on helping others. The act of giving can create a sense of belonging and provide a much-needed distraction from feelings of isolation. Not only will this help you feel more connected to others, but it can also boost your mood and bring a sense of joy that comes from making a positive impact in someone else’s life.

Action: Consider volunteering at a local food bank, animal shelter, or community organization.

6. Look around you – Find Gratitude
Loneliness often stems from focusing on what we lack, but shifting your attention to gratitude can significantly improve your outlook. Look around and identify 1-3 items, people, happenings, something you can accept as working or good in your day/life. Gratitude allows you to reframe your mindset, reminding you of the things that bring you peace, no matter how small they may seem.

Action: Start a gratitude journal where you write down things you’re thankful for each day. These can be as simple as the beauty of a winter sunset or the comfort of a cup of tea.

7. Avoid Social Media Comparison-This one Is CRUCIAL
In an age where we can constantly see glimpses of other people’s lives through social media, it’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing your reality with someone else’s “highlight reel.” During the holidays, these comparisons can feel especially painful. If you’re feeling lonely, take a step back from social media to avoid triggering negative emotions. Remember, the way others present their lives online is not always an accurate reflection of their reality. Focus on your own experience and what brings you joy rather than measuring yourself against others.

Action: Turn off your notifications for social media and other apps that activate your feelings of loneliness. Try putting your phone down while you are engaged in other things and turn the ringer off for an hour. Eureka!

8. Find a Therapist or Coach to support you
If feelings of loneliness persist and begin to feel overwhelming, it may be helpful to speak with a therapist or coach. Mental health professionals can provide you with tools and strategies to cope with loneliness, manage your emotions, and even explore deeper issues that may be contributing to these feelings. This can also be a safe space to process grief, loss, or other emotions that may resurface during the holidays.

Action: Call JEM at: (832)568-4681, email us at contact@jemwellnesscenter.com, or go to our website: jemwellnesscenter.com and click “contact us” – we will reach out to you.  We are here for you!

9. Loneliness Happens! Give yourself Grace for being Human
Managing holiday loneliness isn’t about completely eliminating these feelings—it’s about learning how to cope with them in a healthy way. Be patient with yourself and recognize that it’s normal to feel a range of emotions during the holiday season. There may be days when you feel more connected and others when the loneliness feels more pronounced. By accepting these fluctuations, you allow yourself to move through the season with more grace.

While holiday loneliness can feel isolating, it’s important to remember that you don’t have to face it alone. By acknowledging your feelings, focusing on self-care, and seeking out connection, you can manage loneliness in a way that brings peace and healing. The holidays may not always turn out as we expect, but they also offer a chance to redefine what this season means to you. Through patience and compassion toward yourself, you can make this holiday season one of growth and self-discovery, even in the midst of loneliness.

-Melanie E Flint, LCSW-S